James Diamond, Meet Revenge
by Tattered-Petals
Summary: After Big Time Rush had their first concert nobody wanted anything to do with Hawk records anymore. Hawk blames James Diamond. If James hadn't left this wouldn't be happening.Hawk wants James to meet revenge.  Rated T for some cursing, rating may change!
1. Chapter 1

**Hey, everyone!**

**So…I've been trying to think of a fanfiction and this one kind of just popped into my head and I had to at least give it a try! It may be a little odd but I hope you guys enjoy it!**

A lot had changed since Big Time Rush had their first concert. They were now famous, had millions of girls completely in love with them, they had gone on an _amazing _tour, had a lot more money now and the biggest thing for Gustavo is they _COMPLETELY _crushed Hawk. Hawk Records had gone down the drain. Nobody wanted to record with Hawk anymore, Hawk was now looked at as 'Insane' and 'Hard to deal with'. Hawk Records was dead, not a soul entered through the doors except Hawk and his assistant Rebecca…and Hawk was getting despreat.

There was only one person he felt he could truly blame for this…and that was James Diamond. 'The Face'.

"Extra pretty, driven beyond belief, blahblahblah." All the things Rebecca had told him were in fact true, but she left out the fact that James was extremely loyal to his three loser friends, that he was loyal to even _GUSTAVO _and that there was a chance that James would actually leave. LEAVE! He just left? Nobody gets away with that. James Diamond was no exception. Hawk was going to get his revenge on James. If James had stayed with him it would be _Gustavo _who was the loser it would have been _Gustavo _who totally failed it would have been _Gustavo _who was knocked off the charts.

Hawk lost.

James Diamond was going to pay for that.

XXX

To destroy James Diamond Hawk was going to have to be creative. He was going to have to learn a lot about James Diamond, so of course he sent Rebecca out to find any information about James that could potentially ruin/destroy the teenager.

"I think I found something to your liking." She smiled as she returned to Hawk's office. Hawks eyes immediately shot up as a file was dropped onto his desk. He picked it up and flipped through it and a large grin started to spread on his face. "Good job, Rebecca. This is perfect."

XXX

James Diamond unlike Hawk was _loving_ life. His life was better than ever before! Even more girls threw themselves at him, he was famous like he always wanted and his hair was even more perfect then before! He didn't even know that was possible!

It was like he was living a dream. Everything was turning out exactly how he always wanted it to. It almost made him forget about things that had happened in the past.

"Morning." James yawned as he entered the kitchen.

"Morning," Kendall smiled at James from where he was seated. Already showered and dressed, his hair combed to perfection, his teeth white as a sheet of paper, even half awake James Diamond had to have everything about his appearance perfect. "How'd you sleep?"

James shrugged. "As well as you can sleep with Carlos snoring like a siren in the bed next to you." James grumbled pouring himself some cereal.

Kendall laughed loudly and James raised an eyebrow. "You're in a good mood."

"Aren't I allowed?"

"No."

"James."

"Kidding," James smirked. "What's going on?"

"I have a date with Jo later," Kendall smiled. "She has the weekend off from filming and we're going to have a romantic dinner."

"Fancy," James smirked. "So are you guys going out to eat out or are you going to cook for her?"

"I hadn't…really thought about that last option." Kendall confessed.

"Well it'd be very romantic," James smiled widely. "You guys could even have it here! We'll lay low for the night."

"James, there is one miner flaw in your plan."

"Hm? What would that be?" James asked as he took a spoonful of cereal and shoved it in his mouth.

"I don't cook." Kendall confessed and watched as James looked on thoughtfully and then proceeded to wipe off the excess milk that had dribbled down his chin.

"You must be able to cook _something_." James tried. Honestly, he'd never seen Kendall cook.

"Let's see…I can make cereal, dinosaur shaped chicken and grilled cheese." Kendall told James glumly.

James smirked. "Well, it's the thought that counts."

Kendall rolled his eyes. "I'm not making dinosaur chicken for a romantic night with Jo."

"So it's grilled cheese then?"

"JAMES!" Kendall laughed.

"Relax, Spazz, I'll cook for you." James smirked.

Kendall's eyes nearly bugged out of his head. "Come again?"

"I said I'll cook for you…"

"You'd do that?" Kendall asked amazed.

"We're best friends...besides I owe you ten bucks and I was hoping this could replace that." James smiled innocently.

Kendall rolled his eyes but stuck out his hand. "It's a deal, this food better be good."

James shook the hand. "Of course it'll be. _I'm_ making it!"

XXX

Hawk was completely gleeful; he just couldn't wait 'till seven…this was beyond nasty. This was evil and vindictive and just plain cruel…that's why it was so perfect.

XXX

For someone so gleeful and excited earlier Kendall was now a nervous wreck.

"Am I TOO dressed up? I mean we're just staying in this apartment," He trailed off looking down at his very formal outfit. "Oh my god I look like an idiot."

"You look fine," Logan said aggravated. "It's a romantic dinner, you look…romantic."

"Since when do you even get nervous?" Carlos asked. Carlos and Logan were seated on the orange couch while Kendall stood in front of them _and _in front of the TV (how rude) while James cooked in the kitchen.

"Since I've never truly had a full on romantic dinner!" Kendall stated. "Besides I'm human I am completely allowed to have my flip out moments."

"Yes, you may flip out, just not in front of the television, now please move." Logan directed seriously. Kendall rolled his eyes and walked into the kitchen.

"How's it going?"

"Fine, and yes you look fine, and yes she'll love the whole date and yes I know I'm the most amazing friend in the history of the world." James turned around to face Kendall flashing him a cheesy big smile.

Kendall rolled his eyes. "You know I wasn't going to add that last part."

"Aw, well Kendall I know it's what you are thinking." James smiled kindly.

"_Also on at 7:00," _The news reporter was pumping up the public for the news show at seven, it was currently 6:30, Jo was coming at 6:45. _"A member from the new and popular band Big Time Rush, James Diamond's Father is in JAIL?_" Everyone froze. She didn't just say that. She couldn't have just said that. _"Tune in at 7:00 for the full story that really wasn't supposed to be leaked."_

James walked slowly out into the living room, forgetting totally about the food he was preparing. Kendall followed behind him.

"W-What did she just say?" James asked in a low voice that sounded like a child.

"James, James just sit down." Kendall tried to soothe James, putting a hand on James's shoulder which James quickly swatted away.

"Who told her? Who the hell told her?" James screamed finally losing it and falling to his knees.

XXX

Hawk sat at Hawk records and watched the TV with a devious smile on his face. James Diamond, meet revenge.

**So, I know this isn't amazing…mainly because I wrote it either super late or super early…still figuring that out. But I'm going to get more into what James's Dad's in jail for in the next chapter. **

**Thanks for reading! I'll try to make the next chapter a lot better…maybe writing it at a decent hour will help that.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi, everyone! =D**

**I was planning on posting a chapter yesterday but it was super busy and I had some serious writers block. **

**So! I would like to thankkkkk:**

**Mandamichelle, Cat488, CrazyLeex and anonymous for their reviews! Also thank you to everyone who story alerted/added the story to favorites! It really means a lot!**

**Warning: The jail topic may be a bit mature but it doesn't go into great detail so I don't know if there's any reason to up the rating for it. I'm just warning everyone. **

**I hope you guys enjoy the chapter!**

Even though Logan had turned the television off James still found himself staring at the screen with scared wide eyes. He kept trying to form a sentence but every time he opened his mouth his words would get caught in his throat, so he just stopped trying.

"James, shh, it's okay." He hadn't noticed Kendall was kneeling besides him, or that he was crying until Kendall said those words.

"Okay?" He asked furiously, wiping at his eyes. "HOW IS THIS OKAY?" He shot up again. "HOW DOES SHE EVEN KNOW? NO ONE WAS SUPPOSED TO KNOW, _NO ONE!" _James shouted.

"People were bound to find out, James, you can't hide something that big from people forever." Logan tried to put a hand on the tall boys shoulder to calm him down but James shrugged it off.

"YES, YOU CAN! I DON'T EVEN HAVE HIS LAST NAME ANYMORE; THERE WAS NO WAY TO FIND OUT!" The last name part was true, two years before he went to jail Brooke Diamond divorced James's father and James took her last name.

"Just calm down, James, everything will be okay." Carlos tried.

It was too late to calm down though; James's head was pounding as a million thoughts seemed to pass through at once. How would people judge him when they found out the horrible things his Father had done? What if all the fans hate him and think he'll turn out just like him. _I'll never be like him._ James thought.

XXX

Kendall had left the room after it seemed like Carlos and Logan had things pretty much under control with James. He slipped into himself and Logan's shared bedroom to call Jo and call off the date.

"Kendall!" Jo sounded alarmed. "I saw something on the news about James's Dad, is he really-."

"Yes," Kendall cut her off and sighed. "Listen, Jo, I'm going to have to all off the date tonight, James is really upset and-." Now Jo cut Kendall off.

"I totally understand." She told him.

"You're the best. I swear we'll have a nice romantic dinner another time," Kendall sighed. It's not like they'll have another opportunity as perfect as this but James was more important at the moment. "But James is a mess."

XXX

You would have thought Hawk would be satisfied with the fact that he just exposed one of James's most personal family secrets, but he wasn't. The fun had just begun.

XXX

James sat on the bright orange couch in complete shock, he hadn't moved since Carlos and Logan had sat him there.

"How is he?" Kendall whispered.

"How you'd expect." Logan said simply as he walked into the kitchen to turn off the stove that had been left on the entire time.

Kendall walked over to James and put a hand on his shoulder, this times James didn't shrug it away.

"Look, I don't know who told the news station, but this whole thing will probably blow over soon. It's not like _you _did anything." Kendall tried.

James swallowed the lump in his throat and turned his teary eyes to Kendall, the sight breaking Kendall's heart. "What time is it?"

"6:50, why?"

"I want to watch the news at seven." James said softly. Kendall's eyes widened.

"I don't think that's a good idea." Kendall told him softly.

"I want to see what they say." James told Kendall in a voice that even though soft, left no room for an argument.

"Fine, we'll watch at seven. But this isn't a good idea."

"I don't care."

Kendall threw his arm over James's shoulder and sighed. This was going to be a long night.

XXX

After watching a little bit of pointless news and waiting in agony the story of James's father finally aired.

"_James Diamond's Father, Paul Daniels is spending time in jail for multiple statutory rape charges, assault of a police officer AND drug charges_," James winced. _"Apparently there are news reporters on the grounds of the Palm Woods, an apartment building where James Diamond is currently staying at, hoping to get a word with the pop singer. Also in other news…" _James shut off the television and looked at the other three boys.

"At least it wasn't long…" Carlos tried.

"There are reporters outside." James said quietly.

"James-." Kendall was cut off by James getting up, looking almost too calm and heading to his shared room with Carlos without another word. It wasn't until they heard the door close that a large agonizing scream and a smash irrupt from the bedroom followed by the undeniable sounds of someone sobbing.

They all cringed and looked at each other, wondering what the correct thing to do was. That night was supposed to be a peaceful romantic evening between Jo and Kendall and had turned into a night of terror.

They all remembered how awful Paul had been. He was drunk most of the time and was an awful Father to James and couldn't keep a job.

Now James was remembering of all that.

XXX

Hawk was actually _angry _at how short the news was. He was sure he gave them a lot more material to work with.

No matter, he sent the full story to just about every popular blogger her knew. The full story should be all over the internet in a matter of hours which should also be the time it takes Rebecca to dig up more information on James. Hawk felt no remorse, no sympathy. If he could cause James to be a complete emotional wreck he wouldn't be able to perform. They couldn't find a replacement for him before and Hawk was positive they still wouldn't be able to now. Meaning, that Big Time Rush would fail, and he'd use that as his chance to get back on track, become popular again.

Once and for all he'd defeat Gustavo and get his revenge. This day couldn't get any better for Hawk.

**Well, I planned on that going different but like I said I've had serious writers block. I kind of wanted this chapter to be a bit longer, but I'll try to make up for it with the next chapter, =). **


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey, everyone!**

**So…this took way longer than I expected it to…=(. Sorry about that…**

**I was really going to post this yesterday but I had this thing I had to go to (that for the record ended up being tons of fun) so I didn't have time to write this until waayyy late.**

**So, without any more rambling I would like to thank: Magiccatprinces, Darksecretskeeper, Riley and PizzaTop21 for their reviews! **

**I love reviews, they make me smile =). **

**Okay, now, on with the story!**

James had smashed his bedside lamp, which left him laying on his bed, face down, in the dark. There was a ceiling light but he didn't bother to turn it on, he honestly couldn't have cared less about the lighting. All that currently mattered was the fact that one of his best kept secrets had gotten out. If there was one thing he tried to block out it was that, the anger and the humiliation and the sadness he felt when he heard his Father got arrested. When he heard his Father finally screwed up so bad that he was now behind bars and didn't have his ex wife's money to bail him out of this one.

James winced into his pillow as he thought about the night it had all blown up between the two. The night Brooke Diamond had caught her husband cheating on her with a minor for the _last _time, she was done with him. Then that was that, she said that she was Brooke Diamond, she was not going to stand and be made a fool of for any longer. According to what James heard her say to others was that Paul Daniels was a drunk, drug addicted, sociopath who came into her life to ruin it but in the end just made her the strong women she was today.

It was a bittersweet moment when James's Mom won full custody of him. It wasn't like Paul had much of a chance anyway; he showed up at court drunk and totally blew the little chance he had of even sharing his son.

James thought he should have been happy, it's not like he was a good Father…but he was still his Father who had lost all rights to James, so to James, he basically just lost a Father. No matter how bad of a Father Paul Daniels was…it still hurt.

Just like it hurt James when he got arrested. Just like it hurt James now just thinking about him.

The fact that everyone knew just a little slice of what happened just made it all worse.

XXX

After the sobs had seemed to decrease in volume the three other boys decided it was time to check on their friend. They had only given him some time alone because they felt James needed it, needed to let things out freely. So they let him have his time alone and now it was time to go into the room and attempt to pick up the pieces of the shattered lamp _and _James.

As they got closer to the room they found out that the heart breaking sobs they heard earlier had been replaced with quiet little whimpers. Kendall gently knocked on the door.

"I-I w-want to be a-alone!" Came the trembling reply.

"That's great, I want a million dollars, I'm coming in!" Kendall announced. The door was luckily unlocked and Kendall opened the door.

It was hard to see; considering the sun had set and the lamp was broken it was even rather hard to make out the figure on the bed. Logan flickered on the light switch to be met with the most heartbreaking sight any of them had ever seen. Their best friend since preschool lay there, on his bed, facedown, quivering and whimpering.

"James," Logan said gently, sympathy clear in his voice as he and his other friends approached the bed.

"They-They weren't su-supposed to know." James cried softly.

"Shh," Carlos soothed sitting on one side of the bed, next to James and gently put his hand on his friends back, rubbing circles. "It'll be okay. So people know your Dad's in jail, big deal."

Totally wrong thing to say apparently, James shot up and sent a deadly glare to Carlos.

"_WHY _ARE YOU ACTING LIKE THIS IS NO BIG DEAL?" James screamed which startled the three boys. But they all understood the outburst and stayed quiet. "THIS IS A HUGE DEAL! MY MOM MUST BE FREAKING OUT- OH MY GOD MY MOM!" James looked completely distressed. "She-she must be horrified. Oh no…"

"Just relax, James." Kendall told him.

"Yeah, there's nothing we can do." Logan said honestly. _If there was anything we could do we'd do it. _

James slumped down again, defeated. "Why?" He choked out. "Why did it have to come out now? Everything was going so perfect."

XXX

Hawk kept refreshing his open blog pages until what he wanted to see appeared.

**Big Time Rush's James Diamond's Father…in jail? **

Hawk smiled. Perfect. He clicked on the story, this better be full of every detail that he had given them, he gave these bloggers some pretty good information, they better not have wasted it like the idiotic news reporters had. How did they feel that even made good TV?

Hawk got his wish as he read the article, his smile spread farther across his face, sick and twisted, the reason it formed was because everything was there. _This _would crush James Diamond. It was perfect. _PERFECT… _and it was only the beginning.

He wouldn't just crush James Diamond, he would destroy him.

XXX

It was Logan who was first to see one of the Blogs. He had been on his computer trying to see if the news was as big as it seemed to be. Turned out it was much worse then he thought…how had someone been able to get all of this information? Had they been determined to make James's life miserable?

"What's wrong?" Kendall asked as he walked past Logan on his way to the Kitchen to get a water bottle, he quickly had noticed the upset look on his smart friends face.

"Take a look." Logan winced and Kendall plopped down on the orange couch and grabbed the laptop.

Kendall's eyes widened as he read the article. "This…is not good."

The article had almost everything. How Paul Daniels lost custody of James, how he had shown up drunk, the huge scene where he was arrested…but not without a fight.

"What are we going to do?" Logan asked. "James is miserable and he doesn't even know this much is out."

"We can't let him find out." Kendall stated. His green eyes focused and serious.

Logan rolled his eyes, even though he admired the fact that Kendall wanted to protect James, it was impossible. "He's going to find out, Kendall. It'll just be worse if he finds out on his own."

Kendall's eyes flickered from the screen to Logan. "So what do you say we do, Logan? Just carry this in there, plop it on his lap and say 'Hey buddy! I know you're miserable but here's something that'll make it even worse!'? Is that what you want to do?" Kendall looked furious.

"Well what will we say when he finds out? Huh?" Logan asked, meeting Kendall's furious gaze, surprising the blonde boy with his bravery. Nobody normally disagreed with a furious Kendall…you just didn't do it.

Kendall sighed, dropping his gaze to the floor. "I don't know." He admitted. Logan also released a sigh.

"I thought this was all in the past." Logan admitted.

"I guess you can't always hide something forever," Kendall told him. "It has a way of finding you and destroying you."

"Kind of the down side of being famous," Logan started. "Yeah, you get money, fame, girls…and girls," Kendall smirked. "But nothing stays a secret."

XXX

Rebecca returned, she sported a cocky smile and approached Hawks desk, looking extremely smug.

"Well?" Hawk asked anxiously, he hoped she found something good.

"I think I've got exactly what you're looking for," Rebecca smiled deviously. "If the last stunt didn't scar James this will."

"Well? Let's hear it." Hawk urged. After a few minutes had passed of Rebecca explaining Hawk smiled cruelly. "You know, Rebecca? I think you're severely underpaid…this is beautiful."

Rebecca smiled just as deviously. "I thought you'd like it."

**Okay, so, once again I didn't write this at a decent hour, so if it's not the best I really am sorry =(. I know my chapters aren't extremely long and next one I will try to make a way longer one that will go more into the past maybe, since you only got a small feel for the past with this one. **

**Also, I'm going to try to post chapters faster because in exactly a week from today I'm going away for a little bit over a week (two different trips back to back) so I'm like working on the next chapter right after I post this one. Hopefully it'll be longer and better =). Thanks for reading! **


	4. Chapter 4

**I AM BACK! **

**I'm SOOOOO sorry for not updating more before I left! I had to pack for two back to back trips and it was WAY more work than I thought it would be. Both were tons of fun though! I also was able to catch Big Time Break Up…was anyone else shocked Jo ACTUALLY left? It kind of surprised me. Poor Kendall.**

**So WARNINGS: The beginning of the chapter deals with Paul cheating on Brooke Diamond with a hinted underage girl. I tried to make it as none explicit as possible. **

**Thank you to: PizzaTop21, Milkamoo97, emmyloser, Darksecretskeeper, Cat488, Magiccatprinces, , XxFillMeWithYourPoisenxX and CodyRhodesFan for your reviews! **

_Brooke Diamond let out a shriek of despair. There was her husband in bed with a girl who COULDN'T be over eighteen or even eighteen. _

_This was the first time it ever happened…well…the first time he had ever gotten caught. His eyes were as wide as saucers and his mouth was popped open into a surprise "o". The girl just looked bored and glanced at Brooke with annoyance._

"_Can't you knock?" She asked simply and Brooke's temper flared. _

_Brooke was known for her temper, she never in her life had backed down, she had never in her life been beaten, and she had never in her life been so humiliated. _

_She grabbed the first thing in her path which was a red high-heeled shoe that she expected belonged to the girl, she tossed it with all the strength she had; hitting the girl in the shoulder causing her to scream. _

"_What's going on?" A young James Diamond made his way towards the room; his eyes went wide like saucers when he saw what was in front of him. Brooke quickly covered her son's eyes. _

"_GO BACK TO BED," She demanded. "NOW!" _

_James quickly ran out of the room and into his, jumping on his bed and throwing the covers over his head. Trying to block out any other noises he may hear, as he tried to piece together what he just saw. _

"_GET OUT!" Brooke Diamond screamed. The young girl simply rolled her eyes and got dressed, by now Paul Daniels had his underwear on and his hands were in the air. _

"_It's not what it looks like!" He tried and Brooke rolled her eyes at the pathetic overused excuse. _

"_Get. Out." She hissed at him. _

_His eyes widened…was she kicking him out? He had nowhere to go! _

"_I'm out of here." The girl marched out of the room after snatching her high-heel off the bed. She gave Paul and Brooke a quick glance before shaking her head._

"_Young single father, eh?" She asked Paul and glanced to his hand where there was a lack of a wedding ring before exiting the room. _

"_Oh," Brooke started, voice almost mocking. "YOUNG SINGLE Father, hmm? Is that what you're telling all the girls now? Is this even THE FIRST TIME YOU'VE DONE THIS PAUL, HMM? With your SON in the house? Are you serious?" Brooke cried out. _

"_Brooke, I can explain, honey, I really can, you're not letting me even get a word in here!" Paul cried out._

"_Actions," She started, eyes glaring daggers. "Speak louder than words. Now, Get. Out." _

"_You-You can't kick me out!" Paul cried out. "This is my house, too!"_

"_YOUR house?" Brooke laughed manically. "YOUR HOUSE? Oh, now that's rich. If I recall you don't have a cent to your name, every dollar you have now is tied to mine," She pointed at herself, eyes remaining unforgiving. "Every single luxury you've had you've had since you met ME, and THIS is how you repay me?"_

_Paul kept his head down. He mumbled something Brooke couldn't hear. _

"_What did you say?" She asked._

"_I said I'm sorry," Paul looked at her, eyes pleading. "I love you, Brooke. I don't love her. She's NOTHING compared to you. No girl could ever compare to you, Brooke!" He told her. _

_Brooke felt her anger melt into sadness. "Then why did you do this?" She cried out. _

"_I don't know!" Paul said. "It was a mistake! A dumb mistake that I wish I could take back! But Brooke, I love you, you know I love you, and I'll always love you no matter WHAT happens! I care about you more than anyone in the WORLD! You're the women who stole my heart, you 're the women who I saw walking down the aisle in a beautiful white dress, you're-." He got cut off by Brooke._

"_The women you cheated on." She finished. _

XXX

They of course got back together. Only for Brooke to be humiliated a total of three more times before she finally snapped, before she had too much, before she decided they had to end it. She couldn't go through it anymore. Paul manipulated her, Paul talked like he cared about her but he really didn't. He cared about the house, the money, all of the material things Brooke could give him; he couldn't have cared less about Brooke herself though. He couldn't have cared less about his own son, either. The first time he ever said he loved James was the next time Brooke caught him and locked him outside in the snow, he screamed his love for James as he pleaded to be let inside and out of the cold. James had to cover his ears as he heard his Father beg to be let inside. That was the memory that haunted James the most. Hearing Paul scream how much he loved James, how James needed to open the door, how he was freezing. He was let in later that night after Brooke decided to hear him out as James sat in his room, tears streaming down his face.

Now his Dad was in jail. Now everyone knew. James only pretended to sleep that night so Kendall, Carlos and Logan would leave him alone. The last thing he wanted was to talk to them about everything he was feeling, even if they did mean well James wasn't the type to like to talk about his feelings, he preferred to just keep them bottled up. The guys thought they knew everything that happened during that time, they thought they knew everything that happened to James, everything he went through, but they didn't know half of it, and James wasn't about to let them find out. It was none of their business, anyway.

_Just like how it wasn't the business of anyone who knows about it. _James thought as he rolled over in bed, he glanced at the clock. Four A.M. He wasn't the least bit tired; he had too much on his mind to sleep.

He groaned as he heard the vibrations of his phone, clacking with the wood of the bedside table. Who calls at four A.M? He picked up the clacking phone and his eyes widened when he saw the caller ID.

"Mom."

Oh no.

**No Hawk in this chapter, I'm building up to something, though. I know this chapter isn't great but I wanted to add a flashback and more of a background story and also I'm trying to build some stuff up. Hawk is still an evil person and I'm already starting to write the next chapter! **

**Please I repeat go easy on this chapter. It's not amazing but it is needed I believe. **

**Also for the recorded I went into angst overload with this chapter…sorry James? **


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey, everyone!**

**So, this chapter was kind of hard to write. I had some writers block but I got over it and wrote ;).**

**So I would like to thank: lil-lover, CrazyLeex, GemLeighXx, PizzaTop21 and CodyRhodesFan for their reviews!**

Hawk had everything planned out perfectly. He was gathering the perfect amount of information. He was not going to make the same mistake he did last time, oh no, he was not going to release this information when James was in the comfort of his own home, he was not going to be _that_ kind-hearted. He was going to release this information along with a group of paparazzi…the next time James was out and about. Forcing him to face the flashing lights of the cameras and the questions.

Hawk smiled to himself, this was going to go fabulous.

XXX

Logan woke up around seven; he was always the first up. The others always got up at late hours which Logan didn't understand. Logan always felt you benefitted more when you woke up earlier, you got the first shower, normally you'd get the first select of pancakes from Mrs. Knight but she wasn't home, you could put on whatever show you wanted and it was quiet and nice. Gave you time to relax and finish up your home-work.

This time though he was shocked to walk into the living room and see James asleep on the couch, his face was red and he had a hand dangling off the couch with a phone in it. Logan raised an eyebrow and approached James, shaking him gently.

"James?" He said gently. "Come on James, get up, this isn't your bed." He heard James grumble something in reply but he couldn't figure out what it was. "Hmm?" He asked.

"Leave me alone." James complained.

"Why did you fall asleep out here?" Logan asked as James rubbed his eyes and looked at his surroundings.

Logan's gaze was met with momentary confusion and then realization as James looked at the phone in his hand and the memories came rushing back over him.

"Logan!" He cried out. "My Mom called me!" Tears started rushing back into James's hazel orbs and James sat up. Logan quickly moved next to James.

"What did she say?" He asked softly.

James tried to hold back his tears, he wanted to stay strong, he didn't want to break down all over again. But his Mom's words were just so harsh…  
>"She said I did this!" James said miserably. Logan's eyes widened.<p>

"She WHAT?" Logan asked confused.

"She accused me of doing this as a publicity stunt! A way to get more people to have sympathy for me at HER expense!" James finally let the tears fall down his face as Logan pulled him into a hug. "WHY would she think I'd do that? I w-would never E-EVER do this!" James continued to ramble into Logan's shirt.

"Shhh, shh I know James, I know. I'm sure she didn't mean it." Logan tried to soothe his best friend.

James continued to sob and he clenched Logan's shirt. "She did too mean it! She sounded so _mad, _Logan! She sounded like she h-hates me!" James wailed.

"James, don't say that! Your Mom could NEVER hate you," Logan rubbed James's back. "Your Mom _loves _you James, she's probably just scared and looking for someone to blame." Logan was in shock that Brooke Diamond blamed her son for all of this. How could she even _think _that James would do this to himself and her?

XXX

_4:00 A.M._

_James had run to the living room to accept the call, knowing he would have to face his Mother sooner or later…he just wished it was later._

"_H-Hello?" He asked, voice quivering and sounding child like. He gently sat down on the orange couch, ignoring the fact that the dark surrounded him._

"_James?" His Mother's voice rang through the phone, sounding both exhausted and serious. James winced; he could only imagine what his Mother was going through._

"_Y-Yeah, It's James." James tried to keep his voice strong, but was failing._

"_What," She started, voice turning sharp and accusing. "The HELL did you DO?" _

_James felt his mouth go dry and his eyes go wide, his mouth popped open. "What do you mean?" He asked in shock._

"_I've heard of heartless publicity stunts before," Brooke's voice was sharp, it cut through James. "But this is something I would have __**NEVER **__expected from you!" _

"_Publicity stunt?" James asked stunned. "What on earth-."_

"_JAMES DIAMOND," She yelled and James flinched. "DON'T PULL THIS WITH ME! I KNOW YOU DID THIS! I KNOW THE PLAN WAS TO GET MORE PUBLICITY FOR YOUR RIDICULES SINGING GROUP, TO GAIN SYMPATHY FOR YOU AT YOUR OWN MOTHERS EXPENSE!" She spat._

"_I WOULDN'T DO THAT!" James cried out. "MOM, YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE ME I DON'T KNOW HOW THIS GOT OUT-."_

"_SHUT UP!" Brooke yelled and that's when James froze, his Mother even when disciplining him was never this mad. He heard a soft sob from the other end of the phone. "How could you do this, James?" _

"_I didn't do ANYTHING, Mom! I promise!" James choked out, desperately trying to make his Mother see he was telling the truth._

"_STOP __**LYING**__ TO ME!" She yelled. Suddenly everything went quiet, James heard a soft sniffle and then his Mother said the words he never thought he'd ever hear her utter, the words her feared the most…_

"_Maybe there's some of your Father in you after all." _

_Then there was nothing but the dial tone ringing in his ears. He felt his whole body go numb and it was like time froze. How could his Mother say that to him? He was NOTHING like his Father…he'd never become his Father. _

XXX

Logan's mouth hung open in shock, by that point James had calmed down enough to tell Logan the full conversation with his Mother. The tears had momentarily welled back into his eyes when he said his Mother's final words to him.

"Oh, James," Logan started and threw an arm around James. "I'm sure she didn't mean that! She was upset and angry!"

"She h-hates me." James whimpered.

"She does not." Logan said firmly. "Now, you look exhausted," Logan noted looking at James who had dark circles under his eyes. "Let's get you back in bed, mkay?"

"I won't be able to sleep." James told him.

"Let's test that." Logan smiled kindly at James as he stood up and stuck out his hand. James let Logan help him up and guide the exhausted distressed boy to his and Carlos's shared bedroom. Carlos cracked an eye open and stared at them in confusion.

"Everything okay?" He asked warily. He noticed the dark circles, the tears still on James's face, the red face and the fact that James looked like he would break down any moment.

"James needs to rest some more." Logan said simply and James just crawled into bed. James tried to ignore the concerned and pity filled looks he was getting as he closed his eyes. Trying to let sleep carry him out of reality. But with his luck he felt like he might just get pulled into another nightmare.

XXX

Hawk was gleeful as he looked down at the loads of information Rebecca discovered. He had everything lined up _perfectly. _He knew all the correct bloggers, he was going to send this to every single news station he knew about, he just had to wait for the right time. A plan like this had to be executed perfectly or it could all fall apart, and that's not at all what Hawk wanted.

**Well…that was evil of me. But it HAD to be done! It just had to! **

**So, what does Hawk have on James? Poor James is already crushed…can he handle more? **

**Thanks everyone for reading! I hope you enjoyed it! **

**I'm going to try to make the next couple of chapters longer…and better! **


	6. Chapter 6

**OH MY GOSH I'M SO SORRY! **

**This took me forever to write. I had serious writers block and I've been SUPER busy. **

**So I'd like to thank:**

**CodyRhodesFan, witnessgreatness21, PizzaTop21, xLittleMx, StuckOnBTR13, HugeBTRHoAFan, GemLeighXx, Flacklover and Magiccatprinces for their reviews!**

Kendall and Carlos thought their jaws had hit the floor when Logan was finally done explaining the events that took place that morning. How could Brooke Diamond be so cruel? James (who at that point was still asleep) would NEVER sacrifice his family for fame no matter how narcissistic he sometimes could come across, James was a good person.

Logan earlier that morning had refused to tell Carlos the whole story until Kendall woke up. He didn't want to have to repeat the events of that morning twice. No matter how annoying Carlos got with his constant whining and complaining.

But now, after sharing the story with two out of his three best friends he saw Kendall's shock slowly melt into anger. Not to Logan's surprise or anything. He himself was rather angry at Brooke Diamond, even though he tried to understand it from her point of view. Which he could tell Kendall wasn't even going to attempt to do.

"HOW COULD SHE DO THAT?" Kendall yelled out. Logan even though he expected the outburst flinched a little in surprise. Carlos looked like he was thinking and not even aware of what was going on around him.

"Kendall, please be quiet," Logan pleaded. "You're going to wake up James."

That seemed to quiet Kendall down a bit and gave Carlos a chance to snap out of his trance and speak up.

"So that's why James was so upset earlier?" He asked quietly.

Logan merely nodded.

"Will he be okay?" Carlos asked.

Logan opened his mouth to speak, to tell Carlos of course James will be okay, but then his mouth closed just as quickly as it opened. _Would _James be okay? But before Logan even got a chance to complete that thought and respond to Carlos they were met by the ringing of their phone.

Kendall groaned. "If this is anyone from a news station or magazine I swear…" He muttered under his breath as he picked up the phone and let out a frustrated "Hello.".

"KENDALL!" Gustavo barked through the phone and Kendall rolled his eyes. Perfect. "Get yourself and the other dogs ESPECIALLY JAMES to Roque Records ASA NOW!"

"Gustavo," Kendall started, struggling to keep himself calm. "Today is not a good day."

"I DON'T CARE!" Gustavo barked. "BE HERE IN TEN MINUTES!"  
>Kendall opened his mouth to say something, to tell Gustavo no way are they dragging James out of peaceful dream land to be yelled at by him. But then he was met with the lovely dial tone and just hung up and angrily slammed down the phone.<p>

Logan and Carlos looked at him curiously.

"Gustavo wants to see us," Kendall announced. Carlos and Logan both groaned. "Especially James." Kendall added.

"Does he know-?" Carlos was cut off by Kendall.

"Of course he knows, Carlos. That's my guess on why he wants to see us. We have ten minutes."

The three boys used up two of those minutes just staring at each other, wondering what to do. Before to their shock Carlos spoke up.

"I'll go wake up James."

Before Kendall or Logan even had a chance to respond Carlos walked out of the living room and made his way to his and James's shared bedroom to do the unwanted task of dragging James out of bed.

XXX

James was sleeping happily, his head snuggled into his pillow and his blanket was wrapped around him like a cocoon, Carlos did not want to wake him up.

He approached his friend's bed and shook him gently. "James?" He tried softly. When he got no reaction he shook harder and called a little bit louder. That's when James cracked open an eye and glared at Carlos.

"Go away, Carlitos I'm trying to sleep."

"Gustavo wants to see us," Carlos said softly and watched with remorse as realization came over James's face. "Kendall thinks it's about the news and everything…" He trailed off and watched as James untangled himself from his blanket and removed his face from the pillow.

Of _course _Gustavo wants to see him. Gustavo will probably want to blame James, too. He wouldn't put it past Gustavo, his own Mother did it.

"I don't want to go." James said childishly, looking at Carlos with sad hazel eyes. Carlos felt his heart break, James looked like a puppy that had just been kicked.

"James…we-we should really go. Gustavo wanted us to be there in ten minutes and that was…" Carlos glanced at the clock. "Four minutes ago."

James sighed softly as he reluctantly got out of bed. Carlos who was still hunched over straightened up quickly and offered James his hand, which James accepted.

"There's still enough time for you to get-." Carlos was going to say dressed but he realized at that moment James was still in the same clothes from yesterday, only now wrinkled. "Re-dressed." Carlos finished.

James nodded numbly and Carlos took that as his cue to leave James alone to change clothes and join the others in the living room.

"I'll be in the living room with the others, shout if you need anything." Carlos told James, a soft kind smile playing on his lips which James tried desperately to return.

XXX  
>After James had gotten dressed he opened the door and walked into the living room, all three of his friends were seated on the orange couch and he immediately looked away when he noticed them looking at him in shock and sympathy. Even though James had changed out of his previous wrinkled outfit he had changed into just sweats and a black t-shirt. Which wasn't normal for the style obsessed brunette. Even more to their shock was the fact James had done nothing with his matted from sleep hair. Which was sticking out in different directions. James's hazel eyes looked sad and he obviously needed more sleep judging by the dark circles.<p>

Kendall rose from the orange couch first and approached James, slinging an arm over his friends shoulder.

"Ready to go, buddy?" He asked, with a forced smile on his face.

James nodded and Carlos and Logan quickly got off the couch and made their ways towards the door. They all silently prayed that there would be no paparazzi outside. None of them wanted to deal with that right then.

XXX

They quickly made their way through the Palm Woods lobby, trying to avoid any stares sent their way. Even though Carlos couldn't help but look up as the Jennifer's passed by, all of them looking at James and whispering amongst themselves.

Camille passed silently which wasn't normal for her, offering just a small smile.

They all sighed in relief when they were able to leave without tons of camera's flashing in their faces and questions thrown at them.

They all piled into the Big Time Rush Mobile, Logan getting into the driver's seat, considering he was the only one that knew how to drive, and they were off. But they seemed so focused on making sure there was no paparazzi that they didn't notice Rebecca sitting outside with a magazine covering her face pulling out her cell phone with a devious smirk on her face.

"They're out." She said simply into the phone.

XXX

The ride to Roque Records was silent, nobody knowing exactly what to say. Conversations used to come easily between the four best friends, but now none of them knew what was the right thing to say to James and James just didn't want to say anything period.

He didn't like to talk about his emotions. He had been forced to in the past because of his Father and his own stupid mistakes. He didn't feel like talking about it all over again.

"We're…um…we're here." Logan finally spoke up, glancing into the backseat where James and Kendall sat.

Once again all eyes were on James as he opened the door and walked out. He decided it was better to get this over with then having his friends carry him out of the car and into Roque Records to meet his fate. He just prayed Gustavo wouldn't be so furious that James brought bad publicity that he'd fire him and end James's dream.

Kendall, Carlos and Logan followed behind James; all more nervous for the brunette then they were for the fate of the band.

"DOGS!" They heard Gustavo bark, he eyed them all.

"BOYS," Kelly corrected glaring at Gustavo before turning back to the boys she put on her most pleasant smile. "Please take a seat." She signaled towards the couch.

"It's never good when they tell you to take a seat." Carlos whispered to Logan.

"Shhh." Logan shushed him. Even though Logan had to agree, this didn't look good.

They all took a seat on Roque Records couch and before Gustavo could even open his mouth to speak Kendall spoke up.

"None of this is James's fault."

James couldn't hold back the smile that appeared on his face at his friend rushing to defend him before the producer could even open his mouth. He really did have amazing friends.

"Well I obviously know this," Gustavo said and they all looked at him curiously. Gustavo groaned before continuing. "I know none of this is James's fault. Or any of your faults," Gustavo took a deep breath. "You guys are becoming famous now, news gets out. I wanted to call you here to let you know…"

"That no one is getting in trouble," Kelly continued. Knowing Gustavo wasn't known for his kind hearted words. "That we feel bad that the news even got out. There's no reason for any of you boys to be worried. If anything all this will do is get the band more publicity. It should even blow over in a couple of weeks."

"Seriously?" James asked astonished. "I'm not in any trouble?"

"James, you're not the first victim of nosey reporters. I'm also pretty sure you won't be the last." Kelly told him sweetly.

James turned his attention to Gustavo who gave him a small nod for confirmation on what Kelly just said.

"So…you really think this thing will blow over? That people will forget about it?" James asked.

"James," Gustavo spoke again. "This is Hollywood. Sure, it may take awhile but soon people will find something else to gossip about and put on their news shows."

James couldn't help but sigh in relief at that. Even though he'd have to endure the next couple of weeks maybe this really _would _be done with soon. Maybe he could even straighten things out with his Mother.

"_Breaking news!" _The reporter on TV spoke. _"The news about James Diamond's Father being in Jail came out just recently along with the list of affairs he had," _All of their attention was now on the TV. _"Turns out James didn't take that news all that well when he first found out. Tune in later to find out the things Diamond did that apparently landed him in therapy a couple of years ago." _James froze. The color drained from his face as his friends turned to face him. Faces filled with confusion. 

"THERAPY?" They all asked at the same time.

**Uh-oh! James's little secret is out…almost. So this chapter's beginning part was rushed almost like a filler to get to the good part. So that's why it's not the best…but this chapter is really long. It also had to be done. **

**I'm going to try to describe their emotions more next chapter. We're getting to the good stuff. Thanks for reading everyone! I'm SOOOOOO sorry it took this long! Seriously! **


	7. Chapter 7

**Hi, everyone!  
>So, I would like to thank:<strong>

**CodyRhodesFan, Milkamoo97, HugeBTRHoAFan, PizzaTop21, Nightlover2, Flacklover, mandamichelle, witnessgreatness21, GemLeighXx, XxFillMeWithYourPoisenxX and lil-lover16 for their amazing reviews! =D**

James felt frozen to his spot on Roque Records couch. He felt every single set of eyes in the room on him. He even dared to gaze up at his three best friends and regretted it when he saw the mix of confusion and hurt.

"They must have made it up!" Carlos announced suddenly. Seeming completely satisfied with his explanation. "You know? When they make up those lies about celebrities in magazines and stuff. It's nothing but gossip!"

"I don't know," Kendall looked directly at James and James gulped. "Is it nothing but gossip, James?" James saw a flicker of hope flash across Kendall's eyes and wanted nothing more than to confirm Carlos's story, tell them all it was untrue and that he never went to therapy. But he just didn't have it in him to lie.

"It wasn't lies," James spoke softly, so softly in fact that everybody had to lean closer to him to hear. "It was true. I went to therapy for a little over two years…"

"TWO YEARS?" James had noticed Kelly and Gustavo had left the room, leaving him alone with Kendall, Carlos and Logan.

"How could you have kept that from us for two years?" Logan asked in pure shock. "Also what do they mean 'What he did to land him in therapy'? James, what did you do?"

He saw the concern that washed over Logan's face and hated it. He hated Logan's question just about as much. This was _his _secret! He didn't want to talk about it years ago and he sure as hell didn't want to talk about it now.

"That's none of your business." James said, a bit of anger coming into his voice and frustration was evident. He couldn't believe now _EVERYONE _had to know about this now. Why did news reporters have to be so nosey?

"None of our business?" Kendall looked appalled. "NONE OF OUR BUISNESS? JAMES, YOU'VE BEEN OUR BEST FRIEND SINCE PRE-K, MAN! SINSE WHEN DID YOU START HIDING THINGS FROM US?" Kendall was now standing up and looking down at James, anger and hurt were the main emotions you could see on his face.

"Like you don't have secrets, Kendall!" James rose from his seat as well, now being a few inches taller than Kendall able to stare down at his friend.

"I HAVEN'T HIDDEN ANYTHING FROM YOU GUYS!" Kendall yelled at James. "WE'RE BEST FRIENDS; BEST FRIENDS DON'T HIDE THINGS FROM THEIR BEST FRIENDS!"

Tears were now welling in James's eyes, he couldn't take this. He let out a sad, dead laugh. "THAT'S SUCH BULL, KENDALL!"

"Guys," Logan spoke softly and calmly, standing in between his two friends. "Let's calm down."

"LIKE YOU'RE NOT HURT BY THIS AS WELL!" Kendall shouted.

"We're going to get nowhere by shouting at each other like we're still IN Pre-K, Kendall!" Logan told his friend, trying to keep his cool as he turned to James who still looked on the verge of tears.

"Now, James," Logan spoke gently. "Why don't you just try to explain to us what's going on."

"I can't!" James sobbed. He took a seat on the couch again and brought his knees to his chest. "I can't talk about it! I hid it for a reason, you know!" He looked at his three friends. "I don't like hiding things from you guys; this is the only thing I ever hid, honest!" James rested his head on his knees and his shoulders shook. He was a little surprised when he felt arms wrap around him and rub his back. He looked up to see it was Carlos who hadn't said a word since he accused the news show of making up gossip.

James wrapped his arms around Carlos and tried to calm himself down. Kendall and Logan just stood and stared, not really knowing exactly what to do. Carlos didn't say a word, just continued to rub James's back, even after James's tears had stopped. James just rest his head on Carlos's shoulder, trying to regulate his breathing, he didn't feel like facing his other two friends, especially Kendall, yet.

"Are you okay?" Carlos finally spoke.

James knew if he started talking he may just start crying again so he simply nodded his head.

"Can you talk to us, now?" Logan asked. He looked so hopeful.

James pulled away from Carlos's shoulder and left his grasp reluctantly to see that Kendall no longer looked mad as much as exhausted.

"I guess you guys deserve to know." James took in a deep breath. This was not going to be easy.

XXX

Hawk smiled with glee. The paparazzi were on their way to Roque Records where his sources had told him James was located.

He made sure to tell them about all the back exits so he could make sure they got a few good pictures of James struggling to leave. Hawk highly doubted he was going to spend the night in there…though Hawk might have a good laugh if he did.

XXX

James looked up from his lap at all his friends after he had finished. Carlos still had his arm draped around his shoulder even thought it was stiff with shock, Logan had moved next to James and his hand was slowly rubbing circles on James's back as he looked on and Kendall was just looking at James making James a little nervous. Finally Kendall stood up and tugged James out of the hold of Carlos and Logan, to James's shock though Kendall pulled him into a hug.

"I'm sorry about earlier." Kendall muttered into James's shoulder.

"It's okay…I would have been mad, too." James said softly. He felt Kendall give him another squeeze before finally releasing him.

"So," James looked awkwardly around the room at his friends. "You guys forgive me?" His voice was so quiet and scared it ripped all of their hearts into a million pieces.

"Of course we forgive you," Logan said, he stood up again. "You're our best friend, James. I just...I can't believe you hid all of that from us."

XXX  
>Carlos stayed quiet; he had no idea what to say. Of <em>course <em>he forgave James, James was like his brother. But he didn't get it. He didn't get why the news stations were so nosey, he didn't get why James hid this all from them, he didn't get why everyone suddenly wanted to put out all of James's dirty laundry for the world to see.

What had James ever done to anyone?

XXX  
>"So…" Kendall bit his lip. "Are we going to watch the news show?"<p>

Logan glared at Kendall. "WHAT?" Kendall asked. "Just to see what they say! Maybe they don't know everything!"

"Of _course _they don't know the whole story," James said, bitterness evident in his voice. "But they have enough to make me look like a crazy person and make a good story."

Everyone in the room wanted to disagree, but sadly, they all knew it was true.

"I think we have bigger problems," Kelly said as she walked into the room. All eyes now on her. She was biting her lip nervously. "The paparazzi are outside. Apparently they know James is here and they're at every single entrance…including the back entrance." James's face turned a shade of pure white.

"Can't you get rid of them?" Carlos finally spoke up and Kelly sighed, running a hand through her hair and shook her head sadly.

"There's too many outside." She told them.

"I guess we're staying for the news." James said sadly.

"You guys don't _have _to watch it," Kelly told them. "I mean, Gustavo and I should but that's because we need to see what they're saying for the bands sake. But there are other TV's here, and other shows to watch."

"I want to see what they say." James told her.

"_Yeah," _Kendall thought. _"Because that went FABULOUS last time." _But Kendall knew better then to open his mouth at that moment. 

"Well," Kelly sighed looking at the clock that was on the wall. "It's on in about five minutes."

The four boy's eyes almost popped out of their head. Were they really talking that long?

"Follow me to Gustavo's office," Kelly told them, already starting to walk. "He already has it on the correct channel." The four boys all followed Kelly, all nervous.

XXX

Hawk eyed the screen; he was tapping his fingers on his desk, anxiously awaiting the news report. This one better be longer then the last with the amount of information he gave them. Rebecca had it all organized and set up _perfectly. _

But if this didn't crush James, Hawk had a few things up his sleeve that'll do the trick.

XXX

They all watched the television in Gustavo's office anxiously, all the random news before his story was making James feel sicker and sicker he just wanted to get it over with, already!

"_Now, the shocking news that JUST CAME IN TODAY is that Big Time Rush's James Diamond went to therapy about two months after his Father, Paul Daniels, was arrested for drug charges, assaulting an officer and multiple statutory charges. The reasons Diamond went to therapy was for him beginning to have a problem with drinking, much like his Father did," _James felt his heart stop as soon as the reporter spoke those last words. _Much like his Father. _No. He'd never be like his Dad was. They didn't even _KNOW _how bad his Dad's drinking was. His didn't even come close. He just wanted to try it. _"Diamond also apparently had started self harming," _James zoned out there. He didn't care what the reporter had to say anymore. That's all he needed to hear.

"I'm going to go to the bathroom." James stood from the chair he was sitting on with shaky legs before running to the bathroom, he felt like he was going to be sick.

XXX

Hawk watched as the news report closed up. Not as good as he wanted it to be, but bloggers would most likely add the details the news missed. He had emailed them at the same time he had given the information to just about every single news show he knew.

But alas, he had to act upon his next plan as soon as possible. Because there was some information not even Rebecca could get to.

"Rebecca?" Hawk asked and turned to face Rebecca who was sitting on a chair across the room. She quickly took her eyes off of the television and looked right at Hawk and stood up.

"Yes?" She asked.

"Do you think you could find out the name of James's old therapist? Along with her phone number?" Hawk asked, the devious smile spreading back on his face.

Rebecca returned the smile and nodded her head. "Of course."

**This chapter was a little bit harder to write for some reason. But I have a lot of angsty stuff in store for this story and the next chapter should be out soon! Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! **


	8. Chapter 8

**Hi, everyone!**

**I'm SO sorry this chapter took so long! I've been sick and busy and then sick again. **

**I would like to thank: **

**Nightlover2, Milkamoo97, StuckOnBTR13, PizzaTop21, witnessgreatness2, XxFillMeWithYourPoisenxX, fabulous36, JozeNyamo and ****RelapseAndEscape** **for their AMAZING reviews! **

**Here's the chapter! **

James ran down the halls that led to the Boys bathroom at Roque Records, he was vaguely aware of footsteps rushing behind him but he couldn't afford to stop. He was about to lose his lunch in the hallway as is.

He finally got to the boys bathroom door and shoved it open as he finally reached the toilet and got sick. He became aware of someone rubbing his back and patting it gently. The sickness didn't last long but it had the effect of making James feel even more miserable.

"They know everything," He whispered, leaning away from the toilet and almost fell backwards into whomever was trying to help him. "How do they know everything?"

"I don't know, James," Kendall responded with a loud sigh. James was kind of surprised it was Kendall, he was betting on Logan. "But it's going to get better, mkay? We'll stand by you no matter what." Kendall told him, standing up slowly before sticking his hand out to James, who accepted it gratefully as he felt himself being tugged to his feet. He wobbled a little but he felt Kendall's hands now on his shoulder steadying him.

"Thanks." James grumbled and gasped as he felt himself being tugged into a tight embrace by Kendall. He took a moment to figure out what just happened before wrapping his arms around Kendall to return the bear hug.

"I really am sorry all this is happening, James." Kendall said, showing no signs of releasing his friend.

James sighed, squeezing Kendall. "Don't be, it's not your fault."

"Yeah, and James? It's not yours." Kendall said as he released James and looked him dead in the eye, showing how honest he truly was being. James knew that Kendall was referring to his Mom blaming him for what was happening. He smiled a troubled smile.

"Thank you." He said sincerely. It came out quiet, almost like a whisper Kendall had to struggle to hear. Kendall smiled softly.

"Now, should we go see the others and let them know you're not curled up in the fetal position slowly slipping into the depths of depression and insanity?" Kendall asked. James blinked, surprised by that before laughing, hard.

"Yeah," He said as he calmed down a little. "Yeah, they should probably be informed of that."

XXX

Carlos, Logan, Kelly and Gustavo anxiously waited for James and Kendall to come back. Logan and Carlos had wanted to follow James but…

_James ran out and Kendall, Carlos and Logan all jumped up just as fast to follow until Kendall stuck out a hand to halt them._

"_I've got this, guys." Kendall told them before running off after James. Carlos and Logan glanced at each other nervously before sitting down again, watching the rest of the news show._

"Can't we go search for them yet?" Carlos groaned. Sick of waiting for Kendall to bring James back, he wanted to make sure James was okay, _now_.

Just as Logan was about to agree to look for his two best friends Kendall and James re-entered the room and Kelly quickly switched off the television, looking anxiously between the friends before hitting Gustavo on the arm and whispered, "Let's leave them alone."

Gustavo and Kelly left leaving the four best friends alone in the room, an awkward silence coming over them before Kendall spoke up.

"James is alive and sane." He announced proudly.

"I believe the alive part," Carlos smirked. "But I think even before this the word 'sane' would be a little bit of a stretch."

James's mouth popped open and he glared at Carlos. "Nothing from you, Helmet."

"Poor confused James," Carlos broke into a wide grin. "My helmet didn't say anything, but I stated that you're completely bonkers."

Logan smirked at the loss of the tension that seemed to be in the room before. But the smirk was quickly wiped off of his face when James spoke up again.

"Did they say anything else?" He asked.

"Who?" Carlos asked and James rolled his eyes at how naïve his friend could be at times.

"The news show," He responded as if it was obvious. When he noticed Carlos and Logan looking at each other awkwardly he spoke up again. "Come on, I'm a big boy, I can take it. No more running, promise."

"They didn't say too much else," Logan took in James's disbelieving look and quickly added, "Honest."

"Then what was the 'not much else' they said?" James asked, crossing his arms over his chest. He was trying to look stubborn and threatening but he just came across more despreat.

"Basically they said how now that you're a role model that they hoped you've changed your ways," Carlos told James, he turned to look at Logan who didn't seem to want to say anything at all, so he continued. "How you saw a very good therapist for about two years and stopped seeing her until about six months before we left for L.A. Nothing too drastic or too important."

"You guys promise there was nothing else?" James asked.

"James, if they said anything else that was extremely important we wouldn't keep it from you. It would be pointless to anyway because you'd just end up finding out," Logan explained. He was taken aback by the disbelieving look on James's face. "What? Don't you trust us?" He asked sounding offended.

James's face went from non-trusting to surprise to regret. "Yeah, of course I trust you guys. It's just been rough for me," James explained tiredly. "I have no reason not to trust you guys."

_Didn't stop you from keeping stuff from us before. _Logan thought bitterly. But he quickly shook the thoughts away. James explained why he hid all of that; there was no reason to be bitter about it.

"So what do we do about the paparazzi outside?" Carlos asked. They all watched as James froze and paled before them.

"They'll have to go away at some point, right?" Kendall asked.

"I say we try to make a run for it to the car." Logan told them and watched as they all looked at him like he was insane.

"Go out there? With all the paparazzi?" James asked in disbelief. "ARE YOU INSANE?"

"Well the faster we can get to the Palm Woods the better, right? I don't think any of us want to be trapped in here all night." Logan said.

"Logan," James was trying to calm himself. "I can't go out there."

"James, I understand this is hard, mkay? I get that. But staying in here anxiously waiting for them to leave is just going to make things worse." Logan explained gently.

"I doubt they're going to stay camped out there all night, Logan." Kendall said. He knew if he was James the last thing he'd want right now was a run-in with the paparazzi.

"Well I don't want to sit here for hours waiting for them to leave, Kendall!" Logan shot back.

"Well it isn't totally about you right now, is it?" James growled.

"No, it's about you. That's why I think it'd be best for not just you but for everyone if we just got back to our apartment." Logan told them.

"Logan's right," Carlos said. Which made Kendall and James shoot him a shocked and angry glare. "They might be outside for hours, you guys. Let's just ignore them and get to the car."

Kendall opened his mouth to argue some more before he heard, "Fine."

Kendall's eyes nearly popped out of his head as he turned to look at James. "Fine?" He repeated.

"Yeah, fine. Let's just get this over with." James told them, he then turned around and made his way out, ready to go and face the paparazzi. James Diamond was not going to hide in a studio all night.

XXX

"I'm afraid I can't tell you any of the information you want," James's old psychiatrist, Doctors Linda Summers told Hawk. "Not only is it against patient confidentiality rule but it's also against my moral standards." She explained firmly.

Hawk simply smiled at the other end of the phone. "You're a single Mother, aren't you Doctor Summers?" Hawk asked.

"Yes, but I do not see how that is any of your business." Doctor Summers told Hawk.

"I also hear your business hasn't gone too well since you stopped getting paid the loads of money Brooke Diamonds was paying you, correct?"

"This is none of your business. I'm hanging up now." Doctor Summers said angrily.

"Wait, wait," Hawk said and was happy when he wasn't met with the dial tone. "I just wanted to know, how much money it'll take to make that little rule and your 'morals' disappear." Hawk smiled deviously. "However much money you want."

He heard a sharp intake of breath at the other end of the phone and knew he won.

**Okay, so, I didn't like this chapter that much at all. It was kind of a filler and I wrote a lot of it really late at night. Next chapter I'll try to make way better! **

**I hope you guys still enjoyed it and thank you so much for reading it! **


	9. Chapter 9

**I AM SO SORRY! I haven't updated in so long! I feel so bad! I've been so busy and I've had writers block!**

**So, I'd like to thank:**

**marinajlf, ForgetTheWalls97, witnessgreatness21, Flacklover, Milkamoo97, GemLeighXx, PizzaTop21, StuckOnBTR13, JozeNyamo and Twisted Illusions for their amazing reviews! **

Sleeping that night was tough for James. Getting out of Roque Records was not easy, at all. The paparazzi as soon as they saw him gathered around and tried to snap pictures and ask many questions, none of which were answered. He was even pretty sure Kendall either punched or pushed over one of the many guys with a large camera, considering he was situated on the floor looking shocked while as Kendall just stood above him and looked extremely pissed off.

James basically just lay in bed all night as he thought over the events that had happened that day. What would his Mother think now? She couldn't suspect he'd give out all this information…could she? Maybe she'd come to her senses and see that James hadn't done anything wrong. James knew the idea was a tad bit farfetched and more of a hope than a possibility, but he couldn't shut down the little glimmer of hope he had inside of him.

XXX

When James woke up the next morning he looked at the clock and groaned. It was almost noon; he never slept in this late. He normally woke up earliest so he could use the most hot water, now he was going to have to suffer through a cold shower because Kendall stood in the shower until he was a human prune.

He still felt completely exhausted as he untangled himself from his blanket. That's when he heard Kendall's voice, which wasn't quiet at all. Didn't he know some people were trying to sleep?

"Mom, there's no reason to come home, okay? You and Katie enjoy your vacation we got this!" Kendall paused for a moment, probably to listen to his Mothers response before talking again. "Mom, James will be okay-Yes, I know this is complicated and not meant for children, that's why we can handle it, BECAUSE WE'RE NOT CHILDREN!" Kendall paused again. "Mom, Mom, come on-NO, NO GOODBYE! MOM! HELLO? MOOOMMMM?" He then heard Kendall tell someone in shock. "SHE HUNG UP!"

He heard something that sounded like someone trying to disguise a laugh as a cough. He decided this was his time to emerge from the bedroom.

"So is Mommy coming home to make sure I'm not having a nervous breakdown?" James asked as casually as he possibly could sound.

Kendall, Carlos and Logan all turned to look at him. They didn't look like they had a very good night, either.

"How much of that did you hear?" Kendall asked warily.

"Something about vacations, coming home, not being children, hanging up and then the hang up." James said tiredly, sitting down on the orange couch.

"Well, Mom happened to turn on the television and catch the news," Kendall told James nervously. "She wants to come home."

"Did you confirm everything the news station said? Did you tell her about what my Mom thinks I did?" James asked and watched as Kendall nervously looked away from James and at the other two. "I know you did," He sighed. "Don't worry I'm not mad."

Kendall sighed with relief and took a spot on the couch next to James. "She's just worried about you, James. You're like a son to her."

"Well if she would like to step in as my Mother I'm sure my Mom would step aside and let her." James told them all morbidly. He was only getting more upset as the time ticked on.

"James," Logan started. "You know that isn't true. She's just-."

"Upset, yeah, I know." James said.

"Are you mad?" Carlos asked. He took on the kicked puppy expression which made James groan.

"I already told you guys I'm not mad," He said, he was a little irritated but it was mostly from lack of sleep and frustration. "I'm just fed up with everything going on right now!" He cried out.

"James, you have every right to be frustrated, I completely underst-." Logan was cut off by James.

"Do you, Logan? Do you understand what it's like for all your dirty little secrets to be put out for everyone to see? Do you understand what it's like to have you Mother blaming you for everything? Do you understand what it's like having a monster as a Father, do you?" James felt like he was being completely irrational, but he was so upset and he couldn't stay quiet.

"No, I don't," Logan said as blunt as possible. It kind of surprised James. "Poor word choice on my part, I apologize. How about this; I understand why you're upset. I don't know at all what you're going through, but I know it's awful. I know you're stressed and by just looking at you I can tell you're exhausted which probably only adds to the mood you're in right now. So I have an idea, mkay?" Logan waited until James gave a small nod. "We'll lay low today, just hang around the apartment. We can watch movies, whatever you want."

James felt three sets of hopeful eyes on him and he started to feel guilty for his angry behavior, none of this was these guys' faults. "Yeah, that sounds great. But are you guys sure you're completely content with not leaving the apartment?"

James's question was met with 'Yeah' and 'Totally' and 'Completely'. He smiled, he couldn't have asked for better friends.

XXX

Hawk looked over the notes he jotted down from everything James's old therapist said. It was good, and if it worked out the way he wanted it was completely worth the large amount of money he was paying the despreat women.

"She could lose her job, you know." Rebecca informed him.

"Only if people find out she's the one who gave me the facts," He rolled his eyes. "Even if that does happen I've paid her enough to last her until she finds another job."

"What if the Diamonds go after her?" Rebecca asked.

"She'll lose her license, blah blah, court thing, blah blah, doesn't really matter much to me." Hawk shrugged.

Rebecca sighed and looked out the window; this had all started to get ridicules.

"All I need to do is submit these to some bloggers," Hawk told her. "Once the news gets out it'll get on the news shows. Oh you should really read some of these, Rebecca; they're going to crush him when they get out."

"How do you know he isn't already?" Rebecca asked. "Crushed that is."

Hawk looked at her, surprised. "Well the band's still together, isn't it?"

"So what? We're going to keep at this until the band by chance loses all their fans and their popularity goes down the drain?" Rebecca asked.

"Until James Diamond gets so crushed by the Hollywood gossip that he eventually can't handle it anymore and leaves Big Time Rush," Hawk smiled. "They'll never be able to get back on their feet again after that and I'll win."

"So you're not worried at all about the damage this might cause him mentally?" Rebecca went on with her questions.

"Rebecca, you know what he did to us." Hawk told her.

"So what is this?" She glared at Hawk. "Some immature game of getting even?"

"It's not immature, Rebecca. Also if you appreciate your job you'll shut up with this talk right now and keep looking up more things on James Diamond."

"I don't know if there's anything more to put out there!" Rebecca told Hawk.

"There will be! Just find it as a backup plan in case this doesn't work." Hawk said angrily.

"When are you going to submit all of that to the bloggers anyway?" Rebecca asked.

"I think that's none of your business," Hawk told her coldly. "Now get to work."

Rebecca realized she was slowly slipping from Hawk's favor so she left the room without a word as Hawk went through the notes again.

XXX

Jennifer Knight rushed to pack all of her and Katie's things up. She couldn't believe it when she heard all of the things the news had to say about James, she hoped it was pointless gossip but Kendall confirmed it all. James resorted to self harm and drinking? Those facts shocked her.

She already knew all about his Father, she was one of the few people Brooke Diamond chose to confide in about the whole mess. Obviously Brooke hadn't trusted her enough to tell her about James's other struggles, but as a Mother she could understand the need to protect her son from other peoples cruel judgments.

"What are we going to do when we get home?" Katie asked nervously.

Jennifer sighed; she leaned up against the wall and shook her head. "I have no idea, Katie."

Katie hadn't been as terrified as she currently was in a long time. She couldn't believe James "The Face" the guy who always seemed so happy could have ever harmed himself. Or gone through the rough time he must have.

Despite the fact that James had obviously cracked a few times, Katie found herself finding even more respect for her brother's friend for all he had gone through.

**So, that was somewhat eventful! Mrs. Knight and Katie are coming home and Rebecca has started to change a little bit. **

**Next chapter I'll try to make more stuff happen, I have some giant plans and twists and I want to get the next chapter out as soon as possible. Thanks everyone for reading! **


	10. Chapter 10

**Hey, everyone!**

**Once again this chapter came out later then I wanted it to :/. **

**Warning: There are some flashbacks that include drinking and self-harm. I tried to make them as non-graphic as possible. **

**I'd like to thank: **

**xLittleMx, CountryPeach05, PizzaTop21, witnessgreatness21, Twisted Illusions, GemLeighXx, StuckOnBTR13 and mavk4444 for their amazing reviews! **

James remembered the first time he'd had his first drink.

XXX

_James walked down the stairs tiredly. Why was he up so early again? It was a weekend after all. _

_When he walked into the kitchen he was met with the sight of his Mother packing up every ounce of liquor in the kitchen into a huge box._

"_Um…" He started as he raised an eyebrow. _

_Brooke Diamond looked at him a little startled from the random voice, but then when she realized who it came from she greeted James with a smile. "Morning, honey!" She said sounding more cheerful then she had in a long time. James wondered if she was faking it. _

"_What are you…what is all…?" James trailed off and settled for gesturing to the box. _

"_This is going to be an alcohol free house from this day forward," Brooke Diamond announced with a proud voice. She packaged another bottle of whisky and James raised an eyebrow; just how much liquor did his Dad have stashed? _

"_Well…that's…great, Mom." James told her. To be honest at this point despite how horrible it sounded he almost wanted to forget about his Dad's existence. _

_Brooke sighed and looked into James's hazel eyes sadly. "Look, honey, this isn't going to be easy. But I'm going to make it work for us, okay?" She smiled sweetly. James nodded and gave her his best fake smile, which she returned just as fake. _

_She sighed and looked at the box and then back to the torn apart kitchen. "I can't even believe-." She started rambling as she turned her back to James to search some more. _

_That's when James truly looked at the contents of the box._

_Why did his Dad love these drinks so much? His Dad sometimes wouldn't even come home at night because he'd be out drinking. What was so great about these drinks? _

_Curiosity got the better of him as he looked from his rambling Mother to the box that sat in front of him. He might not have another chance to find out…_

_As quickly as he could he snatched a bottle of Whisky and hid it behind his back as he rambled to his Mother something about going upstairs to take a shower. She didn't even seem to notice as he raced up the stairs and locked himself in the bathroom. _

_His Mother left shortly after to remove the alcohol and to go see some friends. James stayed locked up in the bathroom the whole time as he burned his throat with something his Dad loved more than him. _

XXX

James also remembered the first time he'd ever self-harmed.

XXX

_James sighed as he got out of the steaming shower. His whole body was bright red and the bathroom was almost too smoked up to see. James didn't really care, he had to have a warm shower. Cold showers=Unhappy James. _

_He wiped the mirror clear of fog and sadly looked at his reflection. Normally, he had to be honest; he loved looking at his reflection. James knew he wasn't unattractive. But right now he was miserable and looking at himself only seemed to make things worse._

_What didn't his Dad like? _

_James felt the tears well up in his eyes and the foggy bathroom seemed to get even worse as if it was suffocating him. He wouldn't cry again. He had to stop thinking at it…but how…_

_A thought reached James's mind. In his current state it didn't seem like a terrible idea either. His Mother was home which meant he probably couldn't drink, but there was another option. People as upset as he was did it all the time, right?_

_James searched through his cabinets until he found what he was looking for. A razor blade._

_He bit his lip as he thought this over. If he cut on his arms people would be bound to find out. He wore short sleeves all the time. So he removed his towel from around his waist and put the blade up to his upper thigh and closed his eyes as he pushed down._

_Ironically? It was his Dad's razor. _

XXX

Despite the funny movie playing on TV and all of his friends' kind gestures that's all James could think about. The two stupidest things he'd ever done. He still remembered the day his Mother caught him self-harming…which led to him admitting to drinking.

XXX

_James drunkenly continued cutting as tears rolled down his cheeks. His Mom was out at a business meeting and he'd probably be passed out on his bed before she got home, right? Wrong._

_James was too focused on what he was doing to hear the footsteps coming up the stairs. But for one terrifying moment, he did hear his bedroom door creak open as he froze. _

"_James, honey, the business meeting ended ea-." Brooke Diamond froze as she saw what was going on. "Oh…Oh my…" _

"_M-M-Mom," James choked out before drunkenly laughing for no reason. Nothing was funny about this, nothing at all. But James was too wasted at that point to care._

"_James, oh James, baby," She ran over to him and pried the razor out of his hand and quickly ran him into the bathroom. "Why are you doing this, James?" She asked. But deep down she knew. _

"_Why didn't Dad like me?" James asked simply and that's when Brooke smelled the liquor on her son's breath and gasped in shock. Why would he be drinking? He was so young! Who drinks this young! How did he even get alcohol? _

"_Oh, James," She sobbed out as she tried to stop the bleeding on her son's legs. "James, he l-lov- He-He," She couldn't even get the words out because it was such a lie. Her ex husband didn't love anyone. _

_Brooke Diamond watched as her son sobbed brokenly mumbling on and on how his Dad didn't like him. How he wanted to know what his Dad felt like. How he stole the bottle of whisky and then how he wanted the pain to go away. _

_Brooke at that moment felt like the worst Mother in the whole world._

XXX

Brooke quickly worked to find her son a therapist, someone who would help him so he wouldn't end up like his Dad.

But somehow even after all Brooke saw of her husband she was beginning to think James might end up like him after all. That knowledge tore James apart.

XXX

"You okay?" Carlos whispered to James. Carlos noticed how James wasn't even watching the movie, just staring into space.

"Huh? Oh, yeah, dandy." James responded. Right as Carlos was about to ask James more questions and possibly drive James insane the door opened up to reveal Mrs. Knight and Katie.

"Hi, boys," Mrs. Knight said with a tired smile. "We got here in record time-."

"Mom cut off at least four people and sped the whole way." Katie informed them and Mrs. Knight glared at her.

"It wasn't speeding," Mrs. Knight defended. "It was…creative driving. Which you should never do."

"Hi, Mom." Kendall grumbled, a little unhappy his Mother hadn't trusted them after all to handle it.

Mrs. Knight sighed and looked at the boys. All of them looked exhausted, especially James. She'd straighten things out with Kendall later. Right now she had to talk to James.

"Boys and Katie, could you give myself and James a moment please?"

XXX

Hawk reviewed the information he was about to send to the bloggers for the tenth time. He had to make sure everything was laid out perfectly. He honestly didn't care if it became obvious that James' old therapist was the one who gave him the information. Then at least no one would suspect him. It wasn't his problem that she was going to lose her job. He actually almost found the thought a little bit funny.

He truly was sick.

XXX

Brooke Diamond was fuming. Why did her son do this to the family? To himself? This was one of the most heartless, narcissistic publicity stunts she'd ever heard of.

Well if James wanted publicity, fine, he was going to get it. But she was going to be the one to put the next story out there.

**So, a bit of a cliff hanger :P.**

**I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! I'll try to put the next one out soon! **


End file.
